A century or more ago, there was a word in common use which was bandied about in the debate about whether children should be allowed to take employment in paying jobs. The word was "spoiled" - people still use the word glibly, today, and the old wives' tale is that when kids get a lot of material goods from rich parents, it harms their social development. This is obviously a fallacy. But it is true that laissez faire parenting, where children are not held to any standards of behavior, can create maladjusted children.

I don't really see this effect much anymore, when it comes to children. The children that I see who have behavioral problems have them because they're hit at home, regularly. These children are being taught that violence solves problems and teaches moral integrity.

However, I do see this "spoiled" attitude among women. It's the most common attitude I see out there among middle class women. For several years now, I have sought to reach out equally to men and women in my little tourist/college town where I live. As a man, myself, I have found that this doesn't work. We men tend to ritualistically give women a pass whenenver they are unkind or uncivil. We are trained to treat women graciously in all circumstances. And this is not good for young women. We men need to show a little disgruntlement, or a questioning glance on our faces when we see women act in a way that isn't constructive - just like we would for people of our own gender.

I have found I've hit a brick wall socially, in my life for many years. And I realise this is because a man in my community does not get appreciated, and does not receive any approval from women no matter what he does. If he's just really kind and nice, he's seen as a potential threat, because he could seduce you, or he might be "thinking with his dick." If he smiles at your kids, it's thought that he might be a potential pedophile. If he's cool and distant, he's seen as an asshole. There's no way to please these women. Women seem to want to judge a man by trying to read his mind. It's extremely rude. People who succeed socially, learn that giving others the benefit of the doubt is one of the most important skills a person could have.

So, my conclusion is that men have to find their most intimate friendships with other men... not with women (by "intimate" here, I'm not referring to acts of touch, I'm referring to someone who you regard as a soul mate). And when trying this out, the first thing I saw is that the bar is set really low. I suddenly see that I have the ability to be a good friend to these other men.

We men really can do a lot to better our gender, if we make it our agenda.